Last updated 2001-11-07 (layout only).

Specialty Bras

Prologue

This was forwarded to a mailing list I'm on after a discussion about bras. I didn't write it, and my only clue to the origin is the email address that appeared at the end: rbritz at pacifier dot com

Specialty Bras

I've given this "day bra" thing quite a bit of thought, perhaps more than it deserves and I've come up with other market niches that bra manufacturers can exploit. Sure there's the day bra, the evening bra, the sports bra, and wonder bra, these we know. But there could be so much more.

The Bad Date Bra.

Niche: women on blind dates, and daughters of over-protective parents. Features: Doesn't use hooks. There's an actual hasp and padlock. The straps are tied together at the shoulder with steel tape. The cups are made from a hard plastic to prevent unwanted grasps. Advisory: This bra may cause callouses. Also available: Matching chastity belt.

The Desperate Date Bra.

Niche: Women who haven't gotten any in a while. Features: Sheer. Every place two pieces of fabric meet, instead of being sewn, there is a small velcro connection. Caution: When wearing this bra, avoid brisk walking or moderate to high winds. This is a single-use bra. Cost: $2.50

The Air Force Bra.

Niche: Female combat pilots. MilSpec 87-37487: Made entirely of fiberglass, graphite and kevlar fibers for strength, stealth and resistance to shrapnel. Thermally shielded to maintain temperature inside cups from -43 to 135 degrees F. Holds contents in place up to 9 G's. Requires special tools and a TO to put on and remove. Cost: $4,000.

The Construction Worker Bra.

Niche: Female construction workers and welders. Features: Made entirely of steel. Cups are a wire mesh, straps are steel tape, I-beam underwire, hooks in back with screws and wing nuts. Can be substituted for bad date bra. Caution: Avoid magnetic fields.

The Air Force Command Post Bra.

Niche: 24 hour operators Features: Similar to ordinary bra with attachments. Detects sleeping operator and provides stimulating electric shock. Automatically tightens the longer it is worn. Colors available: Brown, Chocolate, and Mahogany.

The Engineer's Bra.

Niche: Female engineers a.k.a. "The SWE crowd" Features: Designed on CAD. Stress-analyzed twisted-wire suspension cables. Safety factor of 1.7 Rigorously tested for resistance to groping by male engineers. Has pockets for mechanical pencils, and calculator.Cost: $73.46* *Plus %15 contingency

Computer User's Bra version 2.2:

Niche: Female computing professionals Features: Built-in pockets for holding 3.5" floppy disks and CD-ROMs. On the other cup is an LCD screen with scrolling Dilbert comics. Cups lined with lead to protect wearer from monitor X-rays. Hooks in back with serial connector. (Parallell connector availble for larger sizes.) More info: http://www.nerdbra.com Retail Price: $89.95 Street Price: $49.95

Biker Bra.

Niche: Female motorcycle riders Features: Made entirely of leather, except for straps made of motorcycle drive chain. Uses zipper instead of hooks. Reflectors in the front for night riding safety (DOT Approved). Areodynamicly shaped to slice through air and minimize insect build-up. Options: Electricly heated model available for winter use. Holster model, add $20. Colors: Available only in black.

Personal Security Bra.

Niche: Paranoid women Features: Constructed of woven Kevlar fibers for bullet resistance. Has integrated holsters for mace, knife, and .22 pistol. Battery pack powers built-in stun-gun and personal alarm.

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